I’ve obviously spent too much time thinking about the 6-word Mystery contest run by the Rocky Mountain chapter of the Mystery Writers of America. But that’s not going to stop me from sharing some of these thoughts with you for each of the 2021 winners and finalists.
Overall, I think this year’s finalists and winners were great. I think the voters valued puns over stories, and some read a bit more like headlines than I’d prefer, but the finalists and winners are all worthy. I wonder if puns should have their own category? Probably not.
I’ve also included my own entries with some thoughts on how I tried to craft them as stories. Next year I’ll definitely work on my wordplay for at least some of my entries.
I’d love to hear what you think in the comments!
Cozy
Chimney sweep murdered. Shot through hearth. (ZJ Czupor)
This was the category winner. A little headline-y, but does tell a story. Has a pun(ch) line, which the voters apparently like. But does the pun make sense? While I’m sure it’s possible for someone to be shot through a hearth, it’s awkward to picture? Is this a mystery, or just a stretch?
A pie so good, it killed. (Cynthia Kuhn)
Solid entry. Tells a story that unfolds in a surprising way. Mysterious. This is my vote for winner among the finalists here.
Baker battered over muffin top comment. (Lori Lacefield)
Bit of a story, bit of a pun. Leans toward headline more than story, though.
She died to hide her roots. (Jean Garrison)
The overall winner gets another finalist here. There’s a double-pun here (dyed/died, roots/roots), which is hard to pull off in six words, so props to Jean.
Wanted: botanicals expert (nightshades). Confidentiality required. (Robert Miller)
Paints a picture, and I see murder in it. Extra points for doing it in just five words. Solid.
My entry (not a finalist): Shattered teacup. Bloody pawprint trail… murder!
You can see here that I’ve tried to paint a visual picture. We see the broken cup first, then we learn that a cat (probably) has walked through puddled blood. Next, we learn the worst—the victim is dead.
Hard-boiled/Noir
Detective follows hunch back to Notre-Dame. (Jennie MacDonald)
This category winner is another punny entry. There’s the beginning of a mystery, but it is cut off before the bells toll.
A badge makes vengeance murders easier. (Pat Remick)
I’m not sure what to make of this one. It’s more of a rhetorical statement than a story.
Disappearance of dame derails detective’s denouement. (William Frank)
An alliterative headline. “Dame’s disappearance” might have been stronger, and left room for another word of story.
Embezzling mob accountant’s days were numbered. (Jean Garrison)
Again our overall winner has another finalist. Here we see another pun, and it could be a headline, but it does provide a story: We meet the accountant and learn they’re an embezzler who works for the mob, before finding out their unsurprising fate. Overall a solid entry and my pick as winner of the finalists in this category.
Lifeless eyes glisten in the streetlamp. (Darynda Jones)
This one is visual, which I like (especially for noir), but the story ends too soon and doesn’t draw me in. It’s just too wide open to be engaging.
My entry (not a finalist): Whiskey. Seeing double. Waidaminit… two murderers!
We see a glass (or bottle?) of whiskey, then learn the narrator is drunk. Ironically, it’s his cross-eyed drunkenness that leads to the realization at the end. What’s more noir than that? I admittedly took some liberties here with “waidaminit” as one word, but that, too, sounded noir to me.
Police Procedural
Librarian booked for murder, justice overdue. (Angela Henry)
Another punny category winner. Starts to tell a story, then turns into a joke.
Gregor’s dead. Father suspected of insecticide. (Jeffrey Lockwood)
Another joke, but this one is more literary (it’s a Kafka reference). Bit of a story, but the payoff is more shaggy dog than police procedural.
“I’m no flight risk!” insisted emu. (Jean Garrison)
Yet another finalist from Jean Garrison (congrats, Jean!). It’s funny and the punchline on the last word is good, but is it a police procedural or just a joke?
Success? The murder made the news. (Dru Ann Love)
This one is interesting. We get the ending, then the story. It’s the only entry that isn’t trying to be a joke, and my vote for winner among this category’s finalists.
White collar thief nabbed for laundering. (Brooke Terpening)
Not much going on here beyond the pun. Perhaps more headline than story.
My entry (not a finalist): Lifted the prints. They were mine.
None of the finalists above described any police procedures, but this one does. It sounds like a routine job, until we learn that the prints are the narrator’s! Don’t you want to know more?
Romance/Lust
He gaslighted her. She candlesticked him. (Jean Garrison) (Over-all contest winner)
Jean Garrison’s fourth finalist in our list is the strongest, and it’s a good choice for the overall winner. It’s got an intriguing story and it’s topical.
Exhibitionist murdered. Rounded up usual voyeurs. (Ryan Garms)
This one’s a little funny, but doesn’t tell a story that draws me in.
Florist arranged knotted noose for Bridezilla. (Kristin Horton)
I gather the florist was at the end of their rope after dealing with Bridezilla, but “knotted noose” is awkward and it’s headline-y.
Promised his heart. Kept his promise. (Julie Kerr Daly)
This one is good because it makes me stop and think. It only makes sense if the narrator is the who kept “his” (not the narrator’s) promise. I.e., the person who kept the promise is not the person who made it. It’s intriguing but would have benefitted from a couple more words. “He promised his heart; I kept his promise.” Or I’m completely misunderstanding.
Silk stockings, a new neck accessory. (Barb Bathrick)
Ah, here we have a murder and it’s a story. Second best to the overall winner, which is not bad.
My entry (not a finalist): My sweat glistens. He’s stiff—rigor.
Okay, I’m guilty of a bit of wordplay here, but it’s in service of story, I think. It starts out sounding like something from a romance novel, then we learn that the lover is dead. Perhaps my least favorite of my entries and, but still a story.
Thriller
3 people, 2 parachutes, 1 dilemma. (Sage Naumann)
This one is clever. It’s only weakness is it’s a situation more than a story, but it’s a solid choice for winner in this category (though not my choice).
In every mirror, I’m someone else. (Kristin Horton)
I don’t really get the story here, but I see the scene and it’s intriguing.
Serial killer periodically opens BBQ stand. (Mary Stojak)
Gross. Okay, funny, but more of a headline or blurb than a story.
The wildfire raged. Grinning, he spit. (Mike Chiropolos)
The grammatical error here is disqualifying for me (“spat”). It does paint a picture with some potential intrigue.
They almost escaped. Then he sneezed. (Lissa Marie Redmond)
This is my choice for the winner among these finalists. We get a story, and a complicating event—what’s the next installment?
My entry (not a finalist): Filled stadium. 00:02 on clock. Snip
The scene is set. We see two seconds left, but is that the game clock or a detonator clock—or both? Then we hear a wire snipped… Did it work?
I hope you’ve enjoyed my reviews here; they’re as much practice for me as a writer as anything. The 6-word Mystery Contest is fun, and the critiques here are offered with my tongue half in cheek. It’s not lost on me that I’ve written more words about these micro-stories than the stories themselves contain.
